From My Mail Bag Tonight - Some adult language

Acme Costume Company A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party.  He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his  Leg , So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.    A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will Cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg , you will be just right As A pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his  Wooden Leg and so he writes a letter of complaint . A week goes by and he Receives another parcel and a note, which says:   Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his  Wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the  Company Another nasty letter of complaint.. The next day he gets a small Parcel And a note, which reads:  Dear Sir, We have TRIED our very BEST .. Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour The molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple . Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.